Why do you have a pineapple on your head? That is for eating, not hat - silly human
Some dude: Hey bro you got the time?
Me: Yeah it’s fuckinuuuuuh [pulls a cat out of the inside of my jacket and looks it dead in the eyes] about 6pm
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*spins my clothes in a wet metal tube then bakes them in a different metal tube to undo the wetness*
in literature this is called defamiliarization so congrats this post is officially a literary masterpiece
hey you look really cute today
april fools you look cute everyday keep it up
when we were babies my dad was a stay-at-home dad while my mom kicked ass in the courtroom but he would carry my twin brother and me around with one baby on the front and one on his back in backpacks
and women would come up and look at how cute i was and coo over me and be like “awww how cute wow”
and my dad would be like, “YOU KNOW WHAT’S CUTER THAN ONE BABY”
and then he’d spin around
and BAM
there was my brother
happy father’s day to my dad, who remains, to this day, blissfully unaware of this post
can ppl stop being like “my ovaries!!” whenevr they see a cute guy its not problematic or anything its just weird as fuck
N o
My ovaries do what they want
cute pet names for your significant other :)
-You Fucking Worm
-Potato
-Helen
-Dumper
-Paul Blart Mall Cop
-You Sloppy Son Of A Bitch
-Dollar Dispenser
-Mold
I was just watching ABC News and they were talking about “Binge” watching TV Shows on Netflix and they explained
“Binge watching is defined as watching at least 3 episodes in one day.”
Awww, how cute
I’ve finished entire seasons in a day…
*tumblr collectively laughs*
That’s what we on tumblr like to call “casual viewing”
Reasons fat/chubby boys are gr8:
- There’s no such thing as a bad hug
- Big belly = Big pillow
- Snuggling is really soft and warm
- Pudge of all quantities is cute as fuck
- Did I mention belly pillow
- Stretch marks, which are beautiful and strong <3
- Good at being both the big spoon or little spoon
- BIG BELLY
But like why is there still this concept that males don’t like cute mushy romantic shit and being emotionally taken care of? Just the other day I was cuddling with my boyfriend and after admiring him for awhile I told him, “Your eyes are so beautiful, they look like mini oceans” and I swear to god I heard him squeak in embarrassment and saw his cheeks actually begin to blush. Sometimes he likes being the little spoon and although I’m half his size I’m always happy to play jet pack. If he’s having a bad day he knows he can lay his head on my shoulder and just bawl his eyes out and I won’t think any less of him. Guys have emotional needs and want to feel loved and taken care of too yanno.
^^^^yes! This!
I straight up cried when someone told me I was a good person.
My dudes I cried by reading the romantic ending part of a trap doujin.
best-of-tumblr
